Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
