foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
