I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just want to make out with him forever
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
