Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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