Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
