My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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