singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
