I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
