is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
