I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
