All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
