Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
