ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Randomize
