So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i need some magic done to my vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
