she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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