Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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