dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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