Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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