She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
