This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
