that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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