Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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