I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
