dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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