And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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