Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
