Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
