Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
