Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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