I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So much rum. So many feels.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
