Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We don't watch enough power rangers
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
