I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
