Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
