So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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