the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
