Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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