drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
