No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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