I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
