Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
