In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
