Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
