Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
