Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ladies don't puke and tell
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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