Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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