there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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