If that was your dad, he is hot
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
