Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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