went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
