i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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