Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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