You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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