If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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