Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
