I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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