Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
