I faked an abortion last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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