i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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