i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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