And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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