ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
