my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
