So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
