Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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