He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
