oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
