i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ruined the universe
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
