I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
