saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
