If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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