I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
