Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
