I am full of burrito and curiosity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
