Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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