My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
