Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
