The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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