i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
