Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
