I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
